Guest Post

The Mature Masculine by Boysen Hodgson

He cleans up after himself.

He cleans up the planet.

He is a role model for young men.

He is rigorously honest and fiercely optimistic.

He holds himself accountable.

He knows what he feels.

He knows how to cry and he lets it go.

He knows how to rage without hurting others.

He knows how to fear and how to keep moving.

He seeks self-mastery. He’s let go of childish shame.

He feels guilty when he’s done something wrong.

He is kind to men, kind to women, kind to children.

He teaches others how to be kind.

He says he’s sorry.

He stopped blaming women or his parents or men for his pain years ago.

He stopped letting his defenses ruin his relationships.

He stopped letting his penis run his life.

He has enough self respect to tell the truth.

He creates intimacy and trust with his actions.

He has men that he trusts and that he turns to for support.

He knows how to roll with it.

He knows how to make it happen.

He knows how to listen from the core of his being.

He’s not afraid to get dirty.

He’s ready to confront his own limitations.

He has high expectations for himself and for those he connects with.

He looks for ways to serve others.

He knows he is an individual.

He knows that we are all one.

He knows he is an animal and a part of nature.

He knows his spirit and his connection to something greater.

He knows that the future generations are watching his actions.

He builds communities where people are respected and valued.

He takes responsibility for himself and is willing to be his brother’s keeper.

He knows his higher purpose.

He loves with fierceness.

He laughs with abandon, because he gets the joke.

This is the Mature Masculine – it is the redefinition of masculinity for the 21st century.

By no means is this list complete.

Take a risk and come to the New Warrior Training Adventure.

We help men grow.

Because the world needs grown up men.

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  • Jussi DancingBear

    Interesting list… but it sounds to me like another defintion of the ideal man… I rejoiced in the earlier post that abandoned that idea in favor of letting each man find his own fullness of being…? For some, it may look like the above list… for others, it may look very different… To me, what it looks like doesn’t matter… What does matteer is digging deeper and deeper and finding it, even if it is one grain of sand at a time…
    Honoring the beingness,

  • davidcates

    Happy digging, Jussi! I welcome all voices and perspectives here. Lists, not lists, ideal, unique… The more, the merrier!

  • Graham Phoenix

    That list is impressive and may be right for you, Boysen, but it does not describe my masculinity. It is a very ‘soft’ list that would create difficulties for many men, where’s the focus, the presence, the certainty, the directedness? We all make our own masculinity based on our personalities and life experience. We seek what is in us and we feel it deeply. FOr me it’s more about knowing myself and living that truth.

  • EivindFS

    I love it. These words popped up in my community ( and I was referred here by a member of that community.

    I don’t feel the same way as you, Graham. I actually notice I tense up a bit in my heart as I read your words. It may very well be a generational thing. My own reflection is that more and more I’m experiencing how intimately connected the Warrior and Lover archetypes are. If the Warrior in me isn’t balanced out by the Lover, I get consumed by Shadow. I think Boysen has done an exemplary job addressing that need for balance in this text. I also think Warrior energy is stronger in your generation and Lover energy in mine and Boysen’s. I’m mostly speculating there though.

    As for Jussi’s point about every man being different, I totally agree. But different on what level of his being? I think there are some universals. Also, there is the fine line between honoring the individuality of each and every man and letting a man hide out in his own protective shell where he gets to decide that “this is my truth” while being in total denial.

    I spoke with Boysen on Skype the other day and find him a very likable, potent and trustable man. I will probably let myself be inspired by this text in writing the manifesto for my own community.


  • EivindFS

    double post

  • Boysen Hodgson

    Hey Eivind. Thanks Brother. I feel the same way about you.

  • Boysen Hodgson

    As Eivind pointed out … I think there is a generational divide here. And as I said, by no means is this list complete. I’m not bringing down tablets from the mountains … I’m writing some prose.

    I enjoy being hard, directive, fully present. My warrior brings me there.

    I believe certainty is a mythology invented to ward off the unknown demons.
    I think that these days a ‘real’ man has to learn to face, live, and thrive in the unknown.

    I respect your forth-right stand for masculinity. And I believe that it is not a fixed set of traits, but an evolving set of strategies for dealing with the current reality.

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