What To Do If Your Cock’s Too Small

Forget the staged shrieks of porn actresses being mercilessly battered by beer-bottle cocks.

In porn, what the women are screaming for is money, not the dude who’s ramming them for your viewing pleasure.

She’s far more interested in the size of her paycheck than the size of that cock.

Most porn actresses I’ve met are – surprise, surprise! – ACTING.

What turns a woman on is not what men imagine. And certainly not what you see on most porn screens.

Ask a real woman if she likes that shit.

The desire to be ravished and ravaged is not about being abused, but being WELL-USED. She wants you to fully enjoy every inch of her body. Do that, and you can send her into shivers of ecstasy before you even enter her.

Guys with dicks the size of your little finger can drive a woman wild, and guys with huge, chemically hardened dicks can leave that same woman cold.

Is your cock really too small? Or has your fear just grown too big?

I’ve yet to meet a man who believes it when a woman tells him size doesn’t matter. Feel free to indulge your little self-sabotaging story of sexual inadequacy. I know better.

I’ve worked with hundreds of couples, and thousands of solo clients. Only 3 women have ever said that size was a sexual deal-breaker.

Is your woman one of them?

May be. But I doubt it.

Here’s the raw truth:

Guys who are worried about size and performance are missing an essential point.

What a woman wants is to FEEL YOU: your heart, your mind, your tears, your laughter. Your gratitude. Your excitement. Your joy. The trembling in your fingertips when you brush against her thighs. The sigh of contentment when she takes you in her mouth.

If you’re focused on the size of your dick, you’re not focusing on HER. (Or your actual dick, either, for that matter. You’re not present in your body. You’re in your fucking HEAD.)

There’s nothing wrong with your dick. The problem here is your selfish devotion to this lame old story.

Every brain cell, every nerve ending, every emotion devoted to that story is a brain cell, a nerve ending and an emotion NOT available to her.

THAT’S the weird, unsatisfied vibe you’re getting from her.

She’s not concerned about the size of your dick.

She’s lamenting the size of your attention.

Drop your story. Tell her you’re sorry you were distracted. Look into her eyes.

Focus ALL your attention on what’s happening live, in real-time, with your bodies.

Make love to her with your WHOLE body – not just your small, perfectly-sized cock.

However much of yourself you can bring to that moment, she’ll let in.

She’ll open to let ALL of you in: into her heart, her body, her life.

That other guy’s 10″ cock?

Stand it up next to your WHOLE BODY at full attention.

Now who’s too small?

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  • Jenifer Stambaugh

    Wow!! Beautiful and true! Thank you David!

  • Anna

    okay. I don’t know if you’re trying to make yourself feel better but size does matter. yes, we want the thrill and emotional connection, but don’t kid yourself. if it’s too small, it’s too small. it’s the peak of the mountain.

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      harsh! sounds like some men i know who reject women just because they don’t have d-cups. just sayin’.

    • Hypnoguy

      Jez Anna, good thing guys aren’t judging you on your tightness. Just how big are you?

  • Diana

    I love your words and honesty. I am not a porn star nor do I get paid to have sex. I like sex, but most of all, I enjoy, want and need passion and desire. I can get turned on with an intimate kiss, gentle caress on my skin, tickling of the beast and nibbles… and going down on a man. How about talking sexy and being playful. Being a sexy lady, I have a small clitoris, and am tired of men thinking if he strokes my clit I am going to go into full erotic explosions of cum. I want to be tasted in other ways. I know that I can take my self to fireworks with my own fingers. For me, personally, size doesn’t matter, how he reads my body and pleases me will take him and me to the full erotic explosion!

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      Thanks for being so real, Diana! This is the kind of conversation we need to be having so we can re-calibrate our sexual assumptions to real people.

  • Digital Princess

    I agree 100% – wonderful article. I wish more men understood this!!!!

  • Ed

    The more you think about her and less about your cock the bigger it gets. You have to think about filling her first. It’s the thought that’s in both your heads that get you off and keeps you going.

  • Opukane

    Jez Anna, how big is your vagina anyway?

  • Adambrown Brownie

    If the penis is not large enough for the pussy then how will that every be satisfying? . .. I get that presence is important but on a raw level, reaching the spot is important …..

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      What is the “spot” you’re trying to reach? Seriously, the way a woman’s body is wired is so much richer and more complex than just one spot. And yes, definitely, some bodies “fit together” better than others. But that doesn’t mean that a tall woman and a short man can’t be completely in love and happy with each other.

    • Anonymous

      Adam, this is where the woman has to get ‘present’ also. ‘Fit’ is relative when she has strong pelvic muscles. Not only do super-healthy PC muscles create a situation where ‘fit’ is perfect for any penis they provide the woman with much stronger and more prolific orgasms. The thickened muscles actually help expose the G-spot to more pressure from within. Given that the G-spot area is usually about 1 to 1.5 inches inside of the vagina length isn’t an issue and when the woman has thickened and strong PC muscles she can grip anything, no matter what the size.
      So it’s a two way street. In addition to this the actual positions used by a couple make all the difference. In a study done years ago by the famous anthropologist Desmond Morris he asked 27 couples to get creative with the positions they used. Within a few weeks the women went from the vaginal orgasmic potential of about 25% to 76%! The angle of penetration makes a big difference regardless of size!

      • KING

        Wow, I mean, talk about leveling the playing field. KO comment here. Actually all that has been said so far has been liberating and empowering. I look forward to the moments im with a woman intimately or in discussion and the issue of size comes up. What a way to educate a woman by letting her know that size really is relative.

  • Charla

    David, as a sex and intimacy coach who has also thousands of clients I couldn’t agree more and love your no nonsense, straight language. Thank you for your truth. Charla Hathaway

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      Charla, thanks for stopping by! The feelings are mutual. My readers can find you at http://bodyjoy.org

  • http://www.wisdomofone.com Kate

    The most potent line(s), for me:
    She’s not concerned about the size of your dick.

    She’s lamenting the size of your attention.

    That’s it. That’s all a man needs to realize. Thank you, David!

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      My pleasure, Kate.

  • Chooseblissnow

    This is brilliant David – right on!! ….and beautifully articulated as ever. I wish you every success in getting this message out in the world.

  • Tatayum

    Thanks for your words, David. I used to think like you do, but the women in my life have taught me differently. I think it is important to notice what women say that they want (to a therapist, healer, friend or to their sexual healer) and what actually turns them on when they are with a man…. or causes them to choose to be sexual with a man. I’ve had some different experiences than yours AND I acknowledge the truth in your words. Ultimately, it may be risky to say that things are any particular way as we can find evidence to back up any position that you choose to take. I think that your comments may be truer once a solid relationship is established. In the dating world or early in relationships, I wonder if the rules are any different??? Before I had any experience checking out porn, I had a girlfriend who wanted to be pounded hard and fast…. just like I later saw on porn movies. Sure, we had a great heart connection and loved each other immensely, but once that was established and was present day to day, what she wanted was to be taken and that meant being pounded with a dick that brought her sexual pleasure. The total body love thing didn’t really do it for her because we had lots of love all of the time. My sex style was softer, sweet and total body loving. What mattered to her in sex was to be pounded. I had another girlfriend tell me that she checks out guys’ penis’s to see which one she likes… to have sex with. It had to match her ideal of what a pretty penis looks like. Size and shape mattered to her and she wasn’t going to go near it unless it looked like she wanted it to look. One of my female friends recently told me that she stopped having sex with a guy because he had a small penis and it wasn’t hard enough for her. Another came to me depressed because she couldn’t find a guy that would last at least 45 minutes. For her, performance time was what was most important once she felt enough of a connection with a guy to have sex with him. And, if you are not what a woman wants, you are history. You write, “What a woman wants is to FEEL YOU: your heart, your mind, your tears, your laughter.” Yes and I also find this more true after a relationship has been established. In the dating world, I find that women are attracted to guys who are strong, confident and who will make them laugh. They may say that they want an open heart and tears in a man, but they are more likely to go have sex with the bad ass guy… and to leave a relationship with a emotionally sensitive guy and end up with someone who is more of a challenge. As my new girlfriend recently told me, she is looking for an alpha male to completely dominate her sexually. I am noticing that many woman have some image of what the guy she will be sexual with is going to look like (from the time they were a girl and started romanticizing about lovers and sex). What he will dress like, how he will look, what he will say, the size of his chest…. and also, for some woman, what his sexual endowment and performance will be. While women may say that size is a not a deal breaker, I’ve seen many women crave to be sexually fulfilled with ultimately what most genitally satisfies them, especially in women who take a while to orgasm who seem to require more stimulation of all kinds….. and size seems to be one of those factors.
    For more details of what women want in casual encounters, check out this:
    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sat/1602837659.html
    Thank you David for being on the cutting edge of sexual healing and bringing healing to everyone.

    • LovingLife

      I relate to what you are saying. Everyone’s needs are different. I have had phases like you described above, but as I’ve aged and grown in self love, I crave a deep, intimate, passionate connection above all. Doesn’t mean I don’t like being pounded sometimes. I just enjoy a fuller range of expression and can feel complete even if neither of us has a climax! I can have a full body orgasm without taking my clothes off. There are so many ways to connect with your heart opens to self love. You have the capacity to give and receive so much more.

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      Dear brother, I’m so sorry you’ve had such heartwrenching experiences. But I have to ask: How is a woman like that a good match for a man like you? You deserve someone who actually loves you as you are.

      And yes, I looked at the craigslist “guidelines” for casual hookups. But is that really what you want? Women hunting for packaged meat?

      I agree, there are some women who want alpha males to dominate them. And some women do want big cocks. Anything you can imagine, there are people somewhere who are doing that. It’s a big world. And you might have to sort through more “dates” than you like to find a women who can match you.

      But trust me, there are a lot of hot, sexy, loving, smart women who fall in love with guys with smaller cocks. And usually it’s the men who are more upset about their size than their partners are.

      Don’t give up. Change your hunting grounds.

      Let me know what happens.

  • Maurice LeCroy

    Liberating!
    And where do we find ourselves when liberated?
    Present. Compassionate. Grateful.

  • B20di3

    I am reading right now A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis by David M. Friedman. This is probably the only history book I can say I really enjoyed reading. Sometimes it had me deep in thought, sometimes cringing (circumcision and castrations), and sometimes laughing out loud. I would definitely recommend it for anyone that truly wants to learn more about humanities evolving relationship with the penis.

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      Sounds fascinating! Thanks for the heads-up.

  • Tory Blue

    Thank you David. How refreshing to see it all put into clear, playful and ‘right on’ words. As a teenager I was shocked when my cousin told my brother that girls liked boys to have big penises. That idea seemed so bizzare and wrong to me. I was attracted to boys who looked me in the eyes, showed their interest with kind words and had their own passions. Their penis size never occurred to me. Thank you for taking the time to put out your thinking on this so powerfully! Tory Blue

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      Hey Tory, great personal story! Sometimes I wonder how men and women EVER get together, when they look at the same situation and see it so completely different…

  • http://www.byronbaytantra.com/ Mauricetate

    I have talked to guys with big cocks and most hate it. They have to hold back in sex so not to hurt their lover. Also infections seemed to be more common.

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      There’s pro’s and con’s to every circumstance, aren’t there? Thanks for checking in.

  • kiki

    I wish I could send this to my ex! He was smaller, and after we had sex the first time, I wondered if it would last, as I had always ended up with bigger guys in the past. But, because this guy and I had such a loving connection, I decided to give it another chance. And each time, the sex got better. Sure, I wish his cock had been bigger, but after awhile, it wasn’t so important. I thought he was sexy both in and out of bed. However, he wouldn’t let me go down on him. Once I nearly begged and he did let me, it was obvious he didn’t enjoy it. Now that we are apart, I wonder if he was too self-conscious about his cock size to really let go and let a woman pleasure him in that way. He loved going down on me, but I wonder if that was because he thought he “owed” it to me as some sort of compensation because his cock was smaller. As time went on, our sex life plateaued and because less satisfying- not because of his size, but rather because as the article suggests, HE wasn’t ok with his size and wouldn’t really let himself enjoy sex (or my sexuality) fully because of it.

    • http://deepmasculine.com David Cates

      Kiki, thanks for going into such detail. It helps all of us understand more… and develop more compassion for each other.

  • Anonymous

    Brilliant David! The best read I’ve had in weeks! I’m going to link to it. Thanks so much for you truth and deep clarity.

  • Cindychauvie

    Love how you put that. more please

  • http://www.facebook.com/Tara.ShaktiMa.Dakini Dakini Tara Shakti-Ma

    Wow. This is a great essay! I’m sharing. Kisses.

  • http://howtopreventprematureejaculationtoday.com Mike

    I agree for the most part, penis size isn’t THAT important. However, there are a substantial amount of women out there who do like a big cock.

  • MzPhoenixx

    Beautiful, thank you for this!

  • Reader

    coming from a 19 year old that has been dealing with this issue, this is awesome.

    • David

      Thanks! You just made my day.

  • Reader

    and i just signed up with this website to let you know how awesome this article is

    • David

      I appreciate the effort!

  • K238

    This is a complete lie. I’ve tested it. I used to be a young, handsome (8.5 to 9 on most “am I hot?” sites), with above average intelligence (I’ve been tested). My mother died when I was a child, which left me as a hopeless romantic starved for female attention. Her death also left me a sizable inheritance so I was rich to boot. I gave EVERYTHING… I repeat EVERYTHING I had… My time, my passion, my humor, my creativity… Everything to the women of my life. I was the kind of guy who would notice when she off-offhandedly mentioned something she liked in June so I could surprise her on X-mas. The kind of guy who would spend a week trying to perfect a poem I wrote for her so it exactly encompassed my feelings for her. The kind of guy who would pay attention to celestial events of note so I could spontaneously take her out to dinner and a long walk during lunar eclipses. I did EVERYTHING I could think of to model myself after the heartthrob leading men from the romantic movies they love so much. The only thing I couldn’t change was my penis… I wont go too far into the nastiness I encountered because of shallow female psyche, but lets just say I’ve even been laughed at and made fun of because I didn’t measure up to past partners… I’m no longer young. No longer handsome. No longer rich. And I am alone… The worst part is when I hear ladies talk about how there are no romantic attentive guys (like the one mentioned in this article) around. Sorry ladies. I tried. Apparently that wasn’t what you were really after anyway.